Sure, give me a moment to paint on my smile!

   I have a million thoughts and emotions flowing through my head so forgive me if this rambles or doesn't make any sense.  I know usually I have issues with staying focused anyway and I blame bipolar, today it's a mix of all things emotional.
   For 25 years I had to hold in every emotion I felt so everything translated to anger.  Therefore, anger is my default emotion.  I'm having to relearn how to be happy.  I'm having to relearn how to not fake every emotion.  I'm trying my damnedest not to act anymore.  I had to do that for the majority of my life.  I don't want to pretend anymore.
   I think it's unfair to be angry at me for having emotions or for not faking my way through life.  If everyone wants that, I can do that again.  I can be the shell that I once was.  Why am I not good enough as is?  Is my question...