One year later...

   Yesterday (4/20/2013) was our one year wedding anniversary.  Granted, CW and I have been together for almost 5 years but our first wedding anniversary was special to us.  We celebrated traditionally with paper and by paper we decided to write each other letters.  Our letters were supposed to be quick little notes, well CW made me promise to stick to ONE page and I did so, yet he wrote me this beautiful four page letter.  It brought tears of happiness to my eyes and solidified my thought process that came to me as I was writing my letter to him.
   When I'm writing, thoughts come to me.  They fly in and out of my brain.  Sometimes when I'm driving home or sitting there, they do the same thing to me and I try to catch them before I forget so I get them worded just right.
   What I've come to understand after these last few years is that, I really and truly am blessed.  I now know that everything that I had to suffer through and go through previously, all the hurt with the crap my cousin did to me.  The crap I went/[am going] through with being mentally ill, being bullied for my appearance, every guy I ever dated who treated me poorly, just all the hurt I suffered in my life... for all of this, I am being blessed with the gift of a man who treats me like a queen.  A man who makes me feel like I am such a catch.  A man who makes me feel beautiful and intelligent and wonderful.  A man who accepts all my flaky shit and doesn't make me feel like absolute crap for being a bipolar mess.  A man who deals with my counting compulsion and the fact that I have to do things in a certain way or I feel like I'm going to vomit.  A man who deals with my whining and doesn't make me feel like I'm whining.  A man who never calls me names or says anything negative about me.  He is my gift.   My gift for all the bad that I've had to deal with.
   CW and I are not perfect, we fight and we disagree but that's because we are only human.  We are going to do these things, that doesn't mean that we are a bad couple, the fact is, CW is truly my other half.  I love him more than I could ever explain with words or actions... I can try, but anything I say or do could never be enough to let him know how much I love him.  
 
   With all that being said, my husband and I had a wonderful day together.  We started the day by having breakfast with my parents.  They took us out so they could give us our gift it was paper of the monetary kind ($$$) :) and then we went out to get a boba tea (my fave) and pick up our replica of our wedding cake top.  Which was adorable PLUS we did not have to eat year old cake.  Then we went to my parents' house to take my dad a boba tea and hang out for a little while and then came home and relaxed and decided to go out to dinner at Azuma the sushi and teppan restaurant where CW proposed to me.  It was also the place we went to for our one year anniversary back in 2009 and CW proposed there in 2011.  So it has sentimental value.  It's kinda "our" place.  After stuffing our faces, we came home and had a piece of our cake and watched Wreck It Ralph which was cute and then we played COD: Black OPs II till we got tired then we turned on 30 Rock and fell asleeps.  It was a busy day and a good one.  I only had minor anxiety while we were getting boba.  Oh and we ordered a clock that has a different bird sound every hour to celebrate our one year wedding anniversary the modern way as well.  CW said he wanted something geeky and unique like me.  I thought that would be pretty unique in our home since it wouldn't really fit in with anything and I thought I'd like the bird sounds.

Now, here's our wedding song for all of you to enjoy.

Somewhere in between feminist and whatever the opposite of that is...

   I've been reading The Feminist and The Cowboy: An Unlikely Love Story by my favorite author Alisa Valdes.  I read all her books and although I never really cared for the cowboy when I read about him via her blog and other social media, I still wanted to get into her head to see what she saw in him.  

   This is by no means a review, this is just a little something I'm picking up on and thinking about while reading her book.  From my interpretation of what I've read so far, Alisa was raised in a home where chivalry was pretty much dead.  That makes me kind of sad for her, yet grateful that I was raised in a home where chivalry was not only alive and kicking, but was ingrained into my head.  

   My dad always opened doors for my mom and I and I was taught to wait till a door was opened for me because that's what ladies do, we have doors opened for us and men open doors.  My dad also taught me that men come to me.  I do not run out to a man, he comes to a door for me.  He would always tell me that if a guy were to ever honk a horn and expect me to run out he would expect not me, but my dad pulling him out of the car showing him how to show respect.  

   My dad is a tough guy.  A macho guy.  A strong man.  I always knew I would never want to be with a wimp that I would have to protect.  I always knew that I would want a man that could protect me.  I always knew that I would want a man.  

   I also grew up knowing that I could be anything I wanted to be.  My mother is a strong woman.  My mother taught me that yes, a man needs to be a man, but I need to be able to take care of myself because men may not always be there.  So for years I thought I of myself as somewhat of a feminist.  However, I guess I never really looked into feminism and I suppose that's why my mom always rolled her eyes at my teenage self when I would say such things.  

  I'm not really a feminist.  I'm not really whatever the opposite of feminist is... I'm not traditional by any means.  I have a strong personality which my husband has to deal with.  I'm a bit controlling and that goes back to not having control over what happened to me as a child.  My husband has learned to accept this.  He doesn't like it, but he loves me enough to accept it.   I'm working on it, as we both work on things in our relationship.  

   Being that I am a latina, I grew up seeing men with these machismo mentalities and I did know one thing, I never wanted a guy to try to control me the way I saw in relationships as a young person.  That was the one thing I knew I would never let happen, that could also be another reason why I tend toward the more controlling side of things, I've expressed this to my husband as well.  He understands.  

   I suppose that's why my husband and I work.  My husband is a gentleman.  He opens doors for me, carries bags for me, he treats me like a lady.  He protects me.  I feel completely safe with him. I know he's a man.  Yet, my husband doesn't try to control me or make me feel like his word is the end all.  We both make decisions together.  We aren't 50/50 by any means.  In some aspects of our life he takes the lead and in some I do.  

Spring Fling GlossyBox :)

   Today I received my first GlossyBox.  I have to say, I am VERY happy with it's contents and I can see us having a happy relationship for a while.  I was a bit trepidatious after I signed up for GlossyBox and read on their Facebook page a few shitty things about them, then I thought, well, if I don't like 'em, I cancel them. 

   I'm going to give a quick history on how I came to getting a GlossyBox subscription in the first place, I LOVE getting things in the mail.  I mean LOVE it.  I LOVE surprises, what better way than a subscription box?  I had heard about subscription boxes through my bestie over Christmas time because our friend Sarah gave me a birchbox full of awesome shit. I then started looking them up and reading reviews and watching youtube videos about them.  They were kind of like Diamond Candles (another addiction of mine) but MORE.   I started off with Birchbox and Ipsy because they were only $10 a month and I thought WOW what a great deal!  

   Well, my first birchbox was pretty decent I got an eyeliner that I really liked from eyeko but most were foil packets and were rarely full or travel size.  Sometimes they weren't even large enough for me to tell if I really liked the product enough to buy it or not.  Not only that, but I had an issue with customer service on my 2nd box.  Usually, I got my box JUST in time to get extra points if I purchased something or to participate in any of the shit that they had because they shipped from the east coast and I'm in New Mexico, but this time my box was snowed in.  Well, one weekend they were having extra bonus points and I still had not received my box and I emailed them telling them so, expecting them to extend the extra bonus points to me when I received my box so if I wanted to purchase anything from the box, I'd get those extra points too (points eventually equal money in the end) but NO. The email I got was THREE DAYS LATER, AFTER the whole point thing ended AND by that time I had received my crappy box that I was kinda eh about and ALL the customer service person who wrote to me told me was "Oh, it looks like you have received your box now.  Sorry it took so long." I was like whatever, by that time and didn't want to take the time trying to RE-EXPLAIN that I was talking about the extra points because they obviously didn't care about me as a customer anyway if they weren't willing to go the extra mile for me. So I gave them ONE MORE CHANCE and again, my box took FOREVER to get to me so I was like screw it and I cancelled.  Had they done something for me when I initially reached out to them the first time, I would not have been so quick to cancel, but my fuse was cut short.  So BOOM, Glossybox has a new customer.  The MOMENT I cancelled birchbox, I signed up for Glossybox.  I am SO glad I did because this is what I received:

From left to right a FULL SIZE ModelCo Cheek + Lip tint ($24), a $40 gift certificate to Prestiche, FULL SIZE Lavender soap ($16.99), FULL SIZE Pixi Lid Last Shadow Pen ($18), FULL SIZE Elite Models Matt Liner ($15), TRAVEL SIZE 1.5 oz Sebastian Professional Shaper Fierce finishing hairspray (full size cost $17).  

   I'm really excited about the Prestiche Lavender soap, it smells soooo awesome and I can't wait to use it.  I also have a Pixi eye primer that I really like so I'm thinking the Lid Last Shadow Pen will be awesome as well, Pixi makes some great products.  I've heard good things about ModelCo but have yet to use their products, but I'm pretty excited about doing so.  I'm not typically a brown eyeliner type of gal, so we shall see about the Elite Models Liner, I was SUPER excited about it because I LOVE liquid liner, until I saw it was brown, but well, you never know.  I may try it and decide it's awesome on me, that is after all why I have this box right? The hairspray kind of came at the right time.  I've been wearing my hair up a lot lately but since I don't really use products in my hair (been fighting off years off damage) I don't usually buy hairspray but hey, I do have a lot of flyaways and it's been bugging me and my hair is insanely healthy (as I constantly hear from those who cut it) so I guess a little product won't hurt.  

   Needless to say, I am effing stoked and happy as all hell about these products.  Seriously. I still love Ipsy, they have never once pissed me off or made me unhappy and all my glambags have been awesome.  My Husband's subscription boxes to LootCrate and BugOutBox have also been amazing so we are pretty happy with what we have so far.  But DAYUM GlossyBox, you outdonedid yourself with this one!  I am one happy girl tonight.  :)

Jasper

   I know that like a lot of parents, I tend to speak a lot about my babies, however in my case, my "children" are of the furry, four legged flavor.  I often find myself countering someone's funny tales and anecdotes about their kiddos with my own about my pups and kitties.  To the non-pet lover this may not seem like any sort of comparison, but to those of us who love our furry babies, oh trust me, it compares.
   Now, really the reason for this blog today is to talk about my precious Jasper.  I know, it's shitty of me to write about just one of my furry babies, but unless one of them breaks into my lap top, I don't think we have to worry about any real jealousy here.
   The reason why I am singling out Jasper is because I believe Jasper was truly sent to me as a gift.  I needed him in my life and he found us.  Literally.  When we first saw Jasper he was just so fucking adorable with his big ass ears and jumping all over my mom's neighbor, we didn't think anything of it.  Then we found out he was *gasp* an abandoned puppy.  We couldn't just leave him so we took him to the vet to check and see if this adorable little baby was micro chipped.  He was not.  We put an ad in the paper, no one claimed him after 2 weeks.  I didn't even want him at first, no matter how fucking cute he was because he was a destructive little asshole who ruined a bunch of shit AND chewed through my laptop cord.  I was livid.
   CW, however was pretty adamant about wanting to keep the little bugger so, we did. We got him fixed and micro chipped and boom!  He was ours.  Now, almost 4 years later he has become one of the greatest dogs I have ever owned.  I love him to pieces and he makes my heart melt daily.  With his breed it is said that:

"The ACD [Australian Cattle Dog] needs to be handled firmly yet fairly, and it is totally loyal and obedient to its master, and it's a one-person dog." -http://www.terrificpets.com/dog_breeds/Australian_Cattle_Dog.asp

   I happen to be the lucky one that Jasper chose to be his person.   Not to say that Jasper doesn't love CW tons but let's just say, if he had to chose one of us to save from a burning building, adios, Honey!
   Not only is Jasper a really good companion to me, but I have managed to train him to be somewhat of a service dog.  How?  or Why?  You might ask.  Well, you see Jasper is insanely smart and I swear he knows what I'm saying most of the time, and he's very easy to train.  I have some health issues where it hurts to move sometimes of it hurts to bend (I've blogged about 'em before) and my immune system is shitty due to my health crap so sometimes I'm not 100% and when I'm doing things around the house like laundry or hell, sometimes even if I'm not if I'm just knitting or crocheting and I drop something I might need help because when I bend down to get something I get shooting pain and then it fucking sucks.  So I just call Jasper and boom, he picks up whatever I need.  Sometimes I don't even need to call him, he hears something hit the floor and he's there to pick it up.  He's that damn good.
   Not only does he do that but he also breaks up cat fights, he throws away trash, he takes things to my husband in a different room or brings things to me from my husband in a different room. He helps make up the bed, he alerts us to when the older dogs have to go outside to potty.  He helps put away his toys (he has tons of them too), he'll watch movies/tv with you, he'll help pick up laundry, sometimes, he'll even sing a song with you.  He's such an amazing dog.  I'm lucky and blessed to have him.   I'm not saying that my other furry babies aren't special they are, they are very special, but Jasper, Jasper goes that extra mile to make sure that his two legged Momma is feeling okay and if I'm not, he does whatever he can to make sure that he can make me better.  I'm so thankful my hubby talked me into keeping him.

Driving Phobia

   Most of the time, I know I'm being ridiculous.  When it comes to driving or being in a car, I can't see it.  Ever since my last accident in 2008 I have this insane fear of cars, driving... seeing high speed chases on TV... you name it.   It's kind of crazy, I understand.  I just can't really explain it.  I now have this fear that my tires are going to fly off at any given point while I'm driving or that some asshole on a cell phone is going to rear end me or some suicidal maniac is going to choose my car to end their and my life.  While I'm driving every inch of my body is tense.  I feel like I'm going to break.  My teeth are grinding so hard and my mind is in constant fear of every single person who has an IQ less than what should be required to have a driver's license.
    I never used to be like this when it came to driving.   Once upon a time I was a normal driver, well normal for a young person, kind of bordering on reckless.  Then after my accident I had this fear wash over me.  My accident was the other person's fault, and after this I realized that yes, most people are fucking morons who don't pay attention while driving (at least in this state) as I have come to observe.  With the last 5 years spent being an extremely cautious driver (or passenger) I've witnessed a woman swerving into my lane while ON THE FREEWAY GOING 65 (or thereabouts) and PUTTING ON MASCARA, who the fuck does that?  Seriously? At first I looked over to see if she was on her cell phone because most idiots who drive like that are drunk or on their cell phones and nope, she was just putting on her fucking make up.
   A couple of weeks ago some other douche was driving really fast then started slowing down and swerving into my lane, I was like WTF?  And as he caught up to me I saw he was NOT EVEN LOOKING AT THE ROAD, BUT AT HIS CELL PHONE.  I could tell it was his cell phone because the screen was all lit up at night.  He did not ONCE look up at the road while he was driving.  I let that asshole get about 200 feet ahead of me and drove about 2 lanes away from him because he was constantly swerving from lane to lane.  Not cool.
   These are just a COUPLE of things that happen and they are CONSTANT.  Have most people not seen 7Pounds? Do people not watch the news?  Read newspapers?  Hell, even see news stories that come up on their Facebook feed??? PEOPLE ARE FUCKING DYING FROM ASSHOLES NOT PAYING ATTENTION WHILE DRIVING. Fuck all the gun bullshit that's going on in the media, it's cell phones and braindead fuckwads driving and TALKING OR TEXTING on them WHILE DRIVING or not paying attention while driving, or trying to be "cool" and driving like an idiot, or some other bullshit that is actually causing a lot of accidents hence, death or injury.
   Yet, my fear is just kind of brushed aside by some like it doesn't matter.  I'm sorry, it does matter.  It's huge.  It won't just easily go away. I'm finally able to actually drive again (with the help of therapy) after not wanting to do so for a couple of years, but that doesn't make the fear go away any more.

The Dreaded One Comes Anyway

   I tried as hard as I could to will tomorrow from coming but it doesn't look like I was very successful and it looks like as unfortunate as it is... February 22nd is going to come anyway and I will be turning 30.
   I can't really explain why I don't want to turn 30 or why I am dreading this birthday so much.  It just seems so final to be out of my 20s now.
   I mean, I'm glad I'm no longer the idiot I once was, but still.  I'm going to miss my younger days.  I know a few years from now, I'll be saying the same things about being glad I'm no longer the idiot I am today (or something to that effect).
   As some people know, CW and I have had to work on our birthdays so we decided to celebrate on our days off.  We went bowling and out to eat yesterday with my parentals and grandma.  Today we went out shopping.  I bought a few books and a water infuser I've been wanting.  I know, it's silly, but damnit, I really wanted one.  I mean, all I drink is tea or water, why not liven it up once in a while?
   Maybe that's why I'm so sad... it's like my birthday isn't a big deal because I have to work?  I haven't had to work on my birthday in almost a frickin decade.
   I'm off to wallow in self pity and read for my last 2 hours of being 29.  Oh what an exciting life I live.

Damn you, Getting Older...

   Yesterday, my nephew turned 1.  I love that little boy so much.  As I thought about his birth and him getting older, it reminded me of my upcoming birth anniversary.  In 9 days, I will be turning 30.  Something I've been dreading for a long time now.  Especially over the last year.

   Everyone I tell laughs at me and tells me how young I still am, or that 30 isn't old.  I'm not saying 30 is necessarily old, I'm just saying that I will no longer be young.  I'm no longer going to be in my 20s.  No longer a bebeh.  I'm officially an adult.  Yeah yeah, I know that I was considered an adult at 18 but seriously? Are we really adults at 18? At 30... I mean, you're forced to realize that you need a skin regimen and that wrinkles are going to start appearing eventually and that you're halfway to 60.

   I mean, ever since CW and I started dating the years seem to fly by faster than normal so, before you know it, I will be looking at a giant 6 and a 0 on my birthday cake.  I'm not even joking, it seems like just yesterday I was 25 and I was dating a young 29 year old man... now we're turning 30 and 34... 

   I don't have anything special planned for my birthday other than my normal family things, my husband isn't one to plan things on his own or even think of stuff like that, so I don't have to worry about over the hill surprises like my mom had on her 30th birthday.  I'm just kinda sad that my 30th birthday is so depressing for me and is going to be so low key as well.  I don't even know how to explain myself...