Four Years and 2 Clogged Tear Ducts

   I know I've been slightly absent after posting pretty regularly for a while, but I've been spending the majority of my days back and forth between my house and my parents' house during the day and at night I'm so wiped out, all I wanna do is just let my mind be blank for a few.
   I feel so tired.  I don't mind doing things for my dad at all because I think of the alternative in which he is not here for me to do things for.  The thing is, I still worry about my dad.  Not only him, but my mom.  I know that her worry makes it hard for her to really get rest therefore I don't rest.  I wake up several times throughout the night with that elevator feeling in my gut and I don't know what it is.  I check my phones to make sure I'm not missing calls from my mom and I'm not, so I'm ok there, but I still worry.
   I think I'm really drained emotionally because I never really cried.  I cried a little here and there but I tried to keep my emotions in check because I didn't want to bring that bad energy around while my dad was getting prepared for surgery or while he was in the hospital.  So I have all this pent up grief that I need to expel.  I know it may be hard for some to understand, but I feel all clogged up.  I need to release these tears that I never got to purge from my system.
 

   On another note in 2 weeks it will be my Beloved and I's 4 year anniversary.  Four years. I mean, we've been dating for over 4 years already but as an official couple, 4 years together on 8/22.  CW and I have rough spots and we argue here and there, we are not perfect by any means, but he was definitely Made for Me.