Year in Review, Year in Preview.

   The last year flew by.  It really did.  I'm not sure how I feel about that because every year since I started dating my husband, has flown by.  I mean one minute I was 25 and the next I'm turning 31 in a month and a half.  It's good and sucks at the same time.  Every time I see my nephews or step son, they are much bigger than the last time.

   Sometimes it feels like there aren't enough hours in the day.  I have so much I want to do and yet, the thought of everything overwhelms me.

   2013 had a lot of ups and downs, it was very bipolar.  There were two lows that were the shittiest, losing Mayhem and my Great Grandmother.  My grandmum was also in the hospital for a month and my other grandmum fell a couple of times and had her house broken into.  On the good side, my dad was not in the hospital.  The bump under my breast was only a cyst.  My husband and family that I associate with are amazing.  

   I am really looking forward to a few things this year.  It will be our 2nd wedding anniversary on April 20th.  We will have 6 years together on August 22nd and I know what I need to do for the upcoming year in gifts.     I'm looking forward to creating some new designs and completing a shit ton of projects.  I'm also looking forward to the wonderful friendships I have built over the last couple of years and keeping those as strong as I can.  You guys know who you are and you are like my long distance family that I love oh so much. 

  I'm SO close to finishing my book that I can taste it.  It will be a very raw and real version of myself and I will not be so censored as I often find that I am while blogging.  I don't really say my "fuck yous" as loudly as I'd like to on my blogs and I don't really speak as frankly as I can.  Trust me, you think I'm an asshole here?  Wait till you read my book (if you want.).  

   I have the best husband.  The best furry children.  The best parents.  The best in laws.  The best friends.  The best bestie. I understand all this, although I may not always see it when I'm blinded by my depression, I know it's there when my vision clears.  

There is no time frame for being thankful...

  This year I didn't really say what I was thankful for around Thanksgiving time as I usually do.  I thought about blogging, but as far as sitting down and doing it, I failed.  So today, I am doing it.  It's not like it's ever to late to give thanks right?

   First off, I am absolutely thankful for my husband.  He is the one person who has to deal with me on a daily basis and that is no easy feat.  He has made my house, our home.  He has given me a reason to take care of my mental ailments and he makes life better.  He does anything he can to make me happy and although I rarely show it, deep down, I am.

   I am thankful to have my parents in my life.  When life has been shitty and I hate everything, I know that I will always love my parents and have two best friends that I can go to for solace and love.  This year has been a better year than last because my dad has not had to have any types of surgeries or hospital stays.  My mom is such a rock, I could never be as strong as her.

   I am thankful for having a best friend who checks in on me when I'm antisocial and who gets me.  She lets me know that she loves me and she makes me so thankful to have her in my life.  I've had lots of friends who have left when things got rough with me and I pushed them away, she has never allowed me to push her away even when I used my all and said every nasty thing ever.  For that, I am ever so grateful.

   I am thankful for my in-laws who have given me a family when I lost my own.  I have the most adorable nephews, the best sister in law and the two most awesome brother in laws ever.  My ma in law makes me feel welcome and loved and my pa in law makes me laugh.  My stepson is getting to be so tall... it's ridiculous.  I'm lucky to have them as my family.

  I am thankful for the family that I do keep in contact with because they have been there for me and believed me when I feared the worst.  My grandma and great aunts show me love and support when I need it the most.

   I am thankful for my friends near and far that help get me through things and understand me.  I haven't met many of them in person but they have shown me more love than people I've known my entire life.  I am forever and ever thankful for the internet for giving me these lovelies that have made daily life more interesting than it would have been.  You guys know who you are.

   I am thankful for my furry babies, when the world decided that I could not bare human children, God gave them to me.  A furry baby's love is the true definition of unconditional.  They do not care what you look like, what mood you are in, how you dress, if you brush your hair or put on make up... they just love you.

   I am thankful that I got to know my Great Grandma and had her in my life for thirty years.  I miss her so much and can't believe she's actually gone.  My heart still aches and there are parts of it that are now empty because she is not here.  I will forever be grateful for every single memory I have of her.

   I'm thankful for my therapist because she has helped me get through the toughest last few years.  She has helped me to understand things about myself that I couldn't wrap my head around.

   I'm thankful to have a roof over my head and love in my heart.  I am thankful for my bond with The Lord above and all the many blessings that have been given to me.  My life hasn't been peaches and cream, but some days, it sure feels like it has been because the people around me make me forget.

Jasper

   I know that like a lot of parents, I tend to speak a lot about my babies, however in my case, my "children" are of the furry, four legged flavor.  I often find myself countering someone's funny tales and anecdotes about their kiddos with my own about my pups and kitties.  To the non-pet lover this may not seem like any sort of comparison, but to those of us who love our furry babies, oh trust me, it compares.
   Now, really the reason for this blog today is to talk about my precious Jasper.  I know, it's shitty of me to write about just one of my furry babies, but unless one of them breaks into my lap top, I don't think we have to worry about any real jealousy here.
   The reason why I am singling out Jasper is because I believe Jasper was truly sent to me as a gift.  I needed him in my life and he found us.  Literally.  When we first saw Jasper he was just so fucking adorable with his big ass ears and jumping all over my mom's neighbor, we didn't think anything of it.  Then we found out he was *gasp* an abandoned puppy.  We couldn't just leave him so we took him to the vet to check and see if this adorable little baby was micro chipped.  He was not.  We put an ad in the paper, no one claimed him after 2 weeks.  I didn't even want him at first, no matter how fucking cute he was because he was a destructive little asshole who ruined a bunch of shit AND chewed through my laptop cord.  I was livid.
   CW, however was pretty adamant about wanting to keep the little bugger so, we did. We got him fixed and micro chipped and boom!  He was ours.  Now, almost 4 years later he has become one of the greatest dogs I have ever owned.  I love him to pieces and he makes my heart melt daily.  With his breed it is said that:

"The ACD [Australian Cattle Dog] needs to be handled firmly yet fairly, and it is totally loyal and obedient to its master, and it's a one-person dog." -http://www.terrificpets.com/dog_breeds/Australian_Cattle_Dog.asp

   I happen to be the lucky one that Jasper chose to be his person.   Not to say that Jasper doesn't love CW tons but let's just say, if he had to chose one of us to save from a burning building, adios, Honey!
   Not only is Jasper a really good companion to me, but I have managed to train him to be somewhat of a service dog.  How?  or Why?  You might ask.  Well, you see Jasper is insanely smart and I swear he knows what I'm saying most of the time, and he's very easy to train.  I have some health issues where it hurts to move sometimes of it hurts to bend (I've blogged about 'em before) and my immune system is shitty due to my health crap so sometimes I'm not 100% and when I'm doing things around the house like laundry or hell, sometimes even if I'm not if I'm just knitting or crocheting and I drop something I might need help because when I bend down to get something I get shooting pain and then it fucking sucks.  So I just call Jasper and boom, he picks up whatever I need.  Sometimes I don't even need to call him, he hears something hit the floor and he's there to pick it up.  He's that damn good.
   Not only does he do that but he also breaks up cat fights, he throws away trash, he takes things to my husband in a different room or brings things to me from my husband in a different room. He helps make up the bed, he alerts us to when the older dogs have to go outside to potty.  He helps put away his toys (he has tons of them too), he'll watch movies/tv with you, he'll help pick up laundry, sometimes, he'll even sing a song with you.  He's such an amazing dog.  I'm lucky and blessed to have him.   I'm not saying that my other furry babies aren't special they are, they are very special, but Jasper, Jasper goes that extra mile to make sure that his two legged Momma is feeling okay and if I'm not, he does whatever he can to make sure that he can make me better.  I'm so thankful my hubby talked me into keeping him.

Thankful Thursday: Furry Edition

  I still have a little less than an hour left of this Thankful Thursday (it's 11:17PM here in New Mexico as I type) and although I meant to write this earlier, (life got in the way) I still would like to take a moment and just say what I am thankful for today.
   This blog is mostly dedicated to my furry babies.  You see, when I was younger all I wanted in life was to be a mom.  That seriously was the one thing I wanted, to get married and have 3-4 kids.  I wanted to be a stay at home mom and have dinner ready and pack lunches, or maybe homeschool my kids... who knows... I had lots of different ideas.  Well, life doesn't always happen how we want it to or how we vision it when we are younger.  I think I wanted a big family when I was younger because I was an only child, not that I disliked being an only child, but I would have loved having someone to bond with and fight with and do all that sibling stuff with...
   So as I became older and had issues with my ovaries and now with my blood I have come to accept the fact that having a child is not in my cards.  I'm fine with that.  Really, I am.  I actually started to come to terms with this idea when I was about 19 and just knew that I would never be able to have a child.  Sometimes you get these feelings that you know are true.  This was even before my ovaries became the pain in the well, abdominal area that they are.  The blood stuff just seals the deal with any ideas I may have had of trying any attempts at whatever.
   With this knowledge, I put all my love and motherly instinct toward my furry babies.  They make me so happy and they give me so much joy.  Some people say they can't fill the void of a child, well, they must be doing something wrong because my furbabies are amazing and they must be doing something right.
   I've had Chucky for 10 years now and he's been making me smile since day one.  I remember the first night I met him, it was love.  Since then, he's been my baby.  He's my little cat-dog and I love it.  We have our little rituals that haven't really changed much in the last 10 years even with CW moving in 4 years ago.  Chucky is still king of this house and doesn't let any of the other animals forget.  :)
   Our cats make me smile.  I love when they cuddle up with us when we sleep or when we walk in the kitchen and they walk around our legs and meow at us.  Even when they shred our furniture, it's not a big deal.  The joys they bring is much bigger than the destruction they do.  I love watching them look out the windows and make chirping noises at birds or chase strings or lasers... Everything.
   Our pups... Ah yes... they are so much of a blessing as well, how can I not be thankful for them?  When I feel like shit, they all lay with me and seem to know that makes me feel better.  I love how Jasper is so protective of me and how he watches TV and is so smart.  I love how Wallo never leaves my side when I'm home.  I love how weird Patchik is and how much she loves me and will cuddle up with me all the time and seems to want only me and not CW.  I just love how these dogs look at me with such depth and make me question whether or not they were once a human who has been reincarnated or a long lost pet from the past who has come back to me.  These furry babies have my everything.  They have made my life better, they have made me better.  They have made me happy because I have them, they give me many more reasons to fight for life.  They give me reasons to smile.  For all of this, I am thankful on this Thankful Thursday.