Saturday, November 10, 2012

Decisions.

   This morning I was fucking traumatized.  I woke up and got ready for work and did my usual checking of email and social networking.  Well, one of the first things I see as I scroll through facebook is one of the most disgusting pictures one could ever imagine.  The image can not be erased from one's mind.  As someone who was sexually abused as a child... this just horrifies me.  To have to see that shit just disgusts me to no end.  The fact that one of my friends commented on the picture and put it on my feed (I don't care what the comment was, I did not take the time to read all I wanted to do was hide it because I could not handle seeing it any longer than I already had) just made me angry.  It pissed me off.  Life was going pretty well for me and to have something like this bring back all the shit I had pushed back is just ... I have no words.
  So... I thought about that as I drove to work.  I thought about my "friendships" with people.  Most don't  say much to me anymore and it's mostly my family and a few people that I talk to regularly... so I decided that I was going to just keep it more simple.  People I've known a long time or talk to more frequently or who post things who make me smile.  I can't handle another one of those disgusting things again... sometimes you just gotta let go of your past.  That's pretty much what I'm doing tonight... I'm not the same person I used to be.  I'm a lot more sensitive, a lot more self aware, just... someone who'd prefer to be around more positive than negative energy.  I'm sure I will miss seeing a lot of the people's posts I deleted... but I'm sure they won't miss me.  So, whatever. C'est la vie.

1 comment: