Wednesday, July 25, 2012

I'm glad at least CBS Cares...

   It's pretty crazy.  The first time I saw this commercial on CBS I was like "ARE YOU GUYS LISTENING TO THIS???" turns out no one was.  It's pretty fucking odd that no one listens to this shit considering I am bipolar so it kind of effects them too.  Then again, lately I tend to get the feeling that I don't matter to some people.  It's kind of sad now that I think of it.
   I know that I may be overreacting or whatever but the fact of the matter is this, this is how I feel.  People are making me feel this way, therefore something must be wrong. I've kind of started to pull away from some people for this particular reason.  I've spent years separating my emotions from things so this will just be another exercise in that skill that I've grown pretty good at over time.
   I'm fucking mentally ill.  I was traumatized as a child thereby fucking me over mentally pretty well for uhm let's see... hmmm... I'm sure the rest of my life.  I deserve a little slack.  I deserve a little love.  In fact, I need a little love.  This rough exterior that everyone seems to think is me... That's not me.  That's the me I had to become in order to not fall apart every effing day as a child, hell even as an adult.  The real me is someone who just needs people to fucking hug me and tell me that yes, in fact I am loved and people actually do give two fucking shits about me.
   I'm having a shit time getting out of this cycle and I just want to fall apart sometimes. I hate to think of what life would be like without my meds.  I just wish that more people would be understanding and realize that I'm not made of stone.  I'm flesh and blood.  I cry a lot over the way I feel lately.  I'm so tired of crying.