After I wrote my last blog, I had a little regret for being so angry, but then I thought, you know what, no. No regrets. I shouldn't keep my anger so bottled up anymore. I did that for too long with my emotions and it didn't do me any good. All it did was make me anxious and feel sick to my stomach.
I realize that I can't change how people feel about me anyway, so why even try? Sugarcoating things or not saying how I feel isn't going to change how people treat myself or those in my immediate family anyway. So there's no use in not saying it. People are still going to treat me like a leper and I'm always going to feel like I'm being left out of something or other. People are always going to be whispering and having secrets and constantly going to be trying to make you feel like you don't belong in their "exclusive club" so there really is no need to try. I graduated from high school a LOOONG time ago. I don't need to deal with cliques any longer.
I just don't understand what the point is of making someone that you are supposed to love feel like they don't belong is. I'm not the one who did anything wrong. Yet I'm the one who gets treated like an asshole because I was tired of hiding. I'm the victim here. I'm not the villain. Just because I don't have children to use as ammunition or as bartering tools to make me as a valuable part of the community does not make me as a less valuable family member. I'm sorry that I was cursed with bum reproductive organs and a low platelet count that makes it so that even if I were to somehow become magically impregnated, extremely dangerous for me to actually give birth without bleeding out and dying. All of this does not make me less important. I'm just doing my part for population control.