Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Somewhere in between feminist and whatever the opposite of that is...

   I've been reading The Feminist and The Cowboy: An Unlikely Love Story by my favorite author Alisa Valdes.  I read all her books and although I never really cared for the cowboy when I read about him via her blog and other social media, I still wanted to get into her head to see what she saw in him.  
   This is by no means a review, this is just a little something I'm picking up on and thinking about while reading her book.  From my interpretation of what I've read so far, Alisa was raised in a home where chivalry was pretty much dead.  That makes me kind of sad for her, yet grateful that I was raised in a home where chivalry was not only alive and kicking, but was ingrained into my head.  
   My dad always opened doors for my mom and I and I was taught to wait till a door was opened for me because that's what ladies do, we have doors opened for us and men open doors.  My dad also taught me that men come to me.  I do not run out to a man, he comes to a door for me.  He would always tell me that if a guy were to ever honk a horn and expect me to run out he would expect not me, but my dad pulling him out of the car showing him how to show respect.  
   My dad is a tough guy.  A macho guy.  A strong man.  I always knew I would never want to be with a wimp that I would have to protect.  I always knew that I would want a man that could protect me.  I always knew that I would want a man.  
   I also grew up knowing that I could be anything I wanted to be.  My mother is a strong woman.  My mother taught me that yes, a man needs to be a man, but I need to be able to take care of myself because men may not always be there.  So for years I thought I of myself as somewhat of a feminist.  However, I guess I never really looked into feminism and I suppose that's why my mom always rolled her eyes at my teenage self when I would say such things.  
  I'm not really a feminist.  I'm not really whatever the opposite of feminist is... I'm not traditional by any means.  I have a strong personality which my husband has to deal with.  I'm a bit controlling and that goes back to not having control over what happened to me as a child.  My husband has learned to accept this.  He doesn't like it, but he loves me enough to accept it.   I'm working on it, as we both work on things in our relationship.  
   Being that I am a latina, I grew up seeing men with these machismo mentalities and I did know one thing, I never wanted a guy to try to control me the way I saw in relationships as a young person.  That was the one thing I knew I would never let happen, that could also be another reason why I tend toward the more controlling side of things, I've expressed this to my husband as well.  He understands.  
   I suppose that's why my husband and I work.  My husband is a gentleman.  He opens doors for me, carries bags for me, he treats me like a lady.  He protects me.  I feel completely safe with him. I know he's a man.  Yet, my husband doesn't try to control me or make me feel like his word is the end all.  We both make decisions together.  We aren't 50/50 by any means.  In some aspects of our life he takes the lead and in some I do.  

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