Thankful Thursday: Furry Edition

  I still have a little less than an hour left of this Thankful Thursday (it's 11:17PM here in New Mexico as I type) and although I meant to write this earlier, (life got in the way) I still would like to take a moment and just say what I am thankful for today.
   This blog is mostly dedicated to my furry babies.  You see, when I was younger all I wanted in life was to be a mom.  That seriously was the one thing I wanted, to get married and have 3-4 kids.  I wanted to be a stay at home mom and have dinner ready and pack lunches, or maybe homeschool my kids... who knows... I had lots of different ideas.  Well, life doesn't always happen how we want it to or how we vision it when we are younger.  I think I wanted a big family when I was younger because I was an only child, not that I disliked being an only child, but I would have loved having someone to bond with and fight with and do all that sibling stuff with...
   So as I became older and had issues with my ovaries and now with my blood I have come to accept the fact that having a child is not in my cards.  I'm fine with that.  Really, I am.  I actually started to come to terms with this idea when I was about 19 and just knew that I would never be able to have a child.  Sometimes you get these feelings that you know are true.  This was even before my ovaries became the pain in the well, abdominal area that they are.  The blood stuff just seals the deal with any ideas I may have had of trying any attempts at whatever.
   With this knowledge, I put all my love and motherly instinct toward my furry babies.  They make me so happy and they give me so much joy.  Some people say they can't fill the void of a child, well, they must be doing something wrong because my furbabies are amazing and they must be doing something right.
   I've had Chucky for 10 years now and he's been making me smile since day one.  I remember the first night I met him, it was love.  Since then, he's been my baby.  He's my little cat-dog and I love it.  We have our little rituals that haven't really changed much in the last 10 years even with CW moving in 4 years ago.  Chucky is still king of this house and doesn't let any of the other animals forget.  :)
   Our cats make me smile.  I love when they cuddle up with us when we sleep or when we walk in the kitchen and they walk around our legs and meow at us.  Even when they shred our furniture, it's not a big deal.  The joys they bring is much bigger than the destruction they do.  I love watching them look out the windows and make chirping noises at birds or chase strings or lasers... Everything.
   Our pups... Ah yes... they are so much of a blessing as well, how can I not be thankful for them?  When I feel like shit, they all lay with me and seem to know that makes me feel better.  I love how Jasper is so protective of me and how he watches TV and is so smart.  I love how Wallo never leaves my side when I'm home.  I love how weird Patchik is and how much she loves me and will cuddle up with me all the time and seems to want only me and not CW.  I just love how these dogs look at me with such depth and make me question whether or not they were once a human who has been reincarnated or a long lost pet from the past who has come back to me.  These furry babies have my everything.  They have made my life better, they have made me better.  They have made me happy because I have them, they give me many more reasons to fight for life.  They give me reasons to smile.  For all of this, I am thankful on this Thankful Thursday.

...And I Never Remember What It's Called

   My life is pretty much an open book, there are a few aspects that I keep private, but those are rare.  Really, I've learned that I'm not weird.  It's because I'm a writer and we tend to do these things (well, some of us in some form or another). I've been going through some personal turmoil that I've alluded to but not been very clear on, I will not go any further as well because apparently anything I fucking say is not fucking allowed (because free speech is NOT free speech) without me getting treated like shit so... I will discuss another matter instead that has been haunting my mind.
   Two and a half years ago I was diagnosed with Idiopathic Thrombocytopenic Purpura, ITP for short (I always call it ITP, always have to look it up). Which would be easier defined by the professionals than myself so:

Idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura (ITP), also called immune thrombocytopenic purpura, is a blood-clotting disorder that can lead to easy or excessive bruising and bleeding. ITP results from unusually low levels of platelets — the cells that help your blood clot.

Idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura affects both children and adults. Children often develop idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura after a viral infection and usually recover fully without treatment. In adults, however, the disorder is often chronic.

Treatment of idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura depends on your symptoms and platelet count. If you don't have signs of bleeding and your platelet count isn't too low, treatment for idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura usually isn't necessary. More serious cases may be treated with medications or, in critical situations, with surgery.

Most normal people have about  150,000-450,000 platelets.  When I went in for my surgery 2.5 yrs ago, I had 26,000.  Which wasn't enough for me to have surgery so I had infusions (I wasn't getting platelets but this stuff that gets the platelets going, memory fails me now as to what the treatment is called) which pumped me up to about 55,000.  Then about a week before my surgery when they tested me again, my platelet count fell down to about 14,000.  So I had to have another infusion, transfusion, whatever they call it.  I know however that the rising count of my platelets was only temporary, so it freaks me out because if they went from 26,000 to 14,000 in such a short period of time, what are they now?
   The doctor also told me that my spleen might have to be removed which when I read about that, seems even fucking scarier than keeping it in there.  I was also reading:

The greatest risk is when your platelet count falls very low — below 10,000 platelets per microliter. At this point, internal bleeding may occur despite a lack of any injury.

What. The. Fuck.  Do they not know who I am?  I'm a fucking walking injury?  I constantly hurt myself.  It seems like the more I TRY to avoid injury, the more I fucking do it.  Last night, I fucking hit my head as I was getting in the car.  How the fuck do I do that?  This scares the shit out of me because if I can get internal bleeding without even fucking hurting myself, WTF am I going to do if I do hurt myself?  I know I'm probably making a bigger deal than I need to, but seriously.  So yeah, and then my entire body does this thing where it fucking hurts to be touched... anywhere.  The muscles get really tense and knotted.  I just feel like I'm falling apart emotionally and physically.