I feel so tired. I don't mind doing things for my dad at all because I think of the alternative in which he is not here for me to do things for. The thing is, I still worry about my dad. Not only him, but my mom. I know that her worry makes it hard for her to really get rest therefore I don't rest. I wake up several times throughout the night with that elevator feeling in my gut and I don't know what it is. I check my phones to make sure I'm not missing calls from my mom and I'm not, so I'm ok there, but I still worry.
I think I'm really drained emotionally because I never really cried. I cried a little here and there but I tried to keep my emotions in check because I didn't want to bring that bad energy around while my dad was getting prepared for surgery or while he was in the hospital. So I have all this pent up grief that I need to expel. I know it may be hard for some to understand, but I feel all clogged up. I need to release these tears that I never got to purge from my system.
On another note in 2 weeks it will be my Beloved and I's 4 year anniversary. Four years. I mean, we've been dating for over 4 years already but as an official couple, 4 years together on 8/22. CW and I have rough spots and we argue here and there, we are not perfect by any means, but he was definitely Made for Me.