Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Fuck you, Bipolar Disorder

Day 30: What Changed This Month And What You Hope Will Happen Next Month
   Well, for starters I'm cycling.  Not like a menstrual cycle, a bipolar one.  It sucks.  Sometimes My cycles don't last very long and sometimes they last a looooooooong long time.  This one has been going on 3 weeks.  All I want to do is sleep.  It's either sleep, cry, or start fights with someone I love.  
   I'm really sensitive.  I understand people don't want to walk on eggshells around me, but sometimes, that's really what I need.  I don't need people to treat me like I'm "normal" because I'm fucking not.  I'm traumatized. I'm bipolar. And most of all I'm fucking tired of being strong.  For 25 years I had to hold on to this secret and be tortured by it and live with it.  It's like ripping off a fucking scab, it bleeds and then you have to wait for that new skin to come in and heal... Well, I just ripped of a giant ass 25 year old scab.  LET ME FUCKING HEAL.  I'm not going to be immediately strong, and I'm not going to be immediately over everything.  This is one step on the road to recovery, and it's a frickin long ass journey.  If you don't want to help me on my way, please don't add any more road blocks on this journey. 
   So that's what changed this month... I started a bipolar cycle and it sucks the big one.  I hope that soon not even next month, like SOON, it ends.  I hate when I cycle.  I'd rather do rapid cycling than slow cycling.  So please, send positive thoughts, vibes, prayers, whatever it is you believe my way.  I really need them.  This one is a doozy.

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