We've been watching a lot of Mad Men. I'm reading a book called "Sleeping Arrangements" by Madeleine Wickham. Which essentially means, there's a lot of infidelity going on around me in my imaginary worlds. So I've had lots of dreams of characters floating around in my head. I began to wonder why people "have lapses in fidelity" to be as politically correct as possible.
I've never physically cheated on a significant other before. I have, however been the other woman. I've been the other woman knowingly and unknowingly. I'm not proud of what I did. I knowingly had an affair with a married man. Granted, our affair never went past kissing, but we had an emotional connection that was wrong on many levels. And our kissing, was passionate in ways that I'm sure was also wrong in so many ways that if his wife had known, she would have hated my very being. I was 19 and extremely stupid. I tried to justify my actions by telling myself that he was stuck in a loveless marriage and that I wasn't trying to take him from her, I was just trying to give him what he lacked. Such a fool.
Now when I was unknowingly the other woman, I had stupidly opened up my heart to this guy and let him in. When I found out he was in a relationship, it hurt so bad. I literally could not breathe. Here I was, letting myself be so free and open with this person and there he was, having me and her. It was so fucking unfair. It was my bad karma kicking my ass for everything I had ever done. For every guy's heart I had stomped, he was stomping on mine double.
I started to relive these two scenarios in my head. I started to relive my past and think about everything. I started to think about all the guys who had cheated on me (there were many but they do not matter, because I didn't love them therefore they are not important to me) and I started to think of the relationships I had emotionally checked out of and wondered if that could have been considered cheating because my heart just wasn't in it? So what I am asking is for help. I am asking for volunteers. If you've had a lapse in fidelity or if you've been cheated on, would you mind participating in an email interview? What I do is ask a series of questions, it's not just a line of questions, your answers depend on what question I ask next.
I'm not using names or anything like that. I am just trying to gain an understanding and get a different perspective of things. I am trying to see things from a point of view other than my own. It's strictly for character development and research for a book idea I have.
If you would like to particpate, you can email me at defysocietyarts@gmail.com Thank you so much in advance!
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